


"Julia"

by ChaoticCliche23



Category: Original Work, The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Free Verse, Original Recipe, Original Works - Freeform, Poems, Poetry, Witchcraft, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:50:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18922972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticCliche23/pseuds/ChaoticCliche23
Summary: This is a poem I wrote about the character Julia and how it feels to first experience witchcraft. I hope you like it.





	"Julia"

A couple years ago,  
i watched this show called, “The Magicians”  
and fell in love with a character named  
julia. 

i saw a part of myself in her  
i never share  
or thought i’d see in anyone else  
She's still my favorite portrayal of exactly how it feels  
to first experience 

magic.  
after dulling yourself out of necessity after  
memorizing how to smile and perform and survive after  
1 Corinthians 13  
after  
the feeling of abandonment becomes background noise to reality  
after  
a never-ending loop of  
ask and you shall receive ask and bend at the knee ask for existence ask for permission ask and wait  
ask for love  
ask  
never do

there it is  
the taste of freedom, never completely forgotten  
power  
when they told me i was powerless  
finally, action.  
something i could _do_  
something i’d been doing all along

it’s exactly like she says  
_“i can’t go to yale if i know this place exists”_  
you feel that first spark after playing dead for so long  
tingling up your spine as the first candle's lit  
a flickering flame under Samhain's moon  
the overwhelming peace of a circle  
you are alone and never alone all at once  
and from the hum of what used to be your hollow, empty bones  
you know  
there’s no going back 

back to what? 

back to emptiness  
back to lethargy  
back to nothing?  
i don’t remember what that’s like  
i exist somewhere else now  
the places i once called home  
are a foreign land  
that doesn't want me  
any more  
than i want them

 

i am julia, skulking for magic in the darkest places  
how dare they try to keep me from my birth right  
i will do anything for a hit  
lie hide hypocrisize  
deny deny deny  
buying and dealing  
lying and sneaking  
killing myself for any promise of more  
_“is it like the secret heart of what you always were?”_

fake it till you make it where they don't care  
how much incense you burn  
to the deep sea pulsing in your blood

i couldn’t stop if i wanted to  
maybe that proves their point  
maybe i don’t care  
nothing else ever made this much sense  
if it truly is the devil’s work  
i commend the purity of his product  
how can you drop anyone in this shit hole  
and not expect them to partake in temptation?  
religion is the opiate of the people  
but i decided my own energy gives a better high

never again will i kneel or beg  
be silenced  
or leave my fate in someone else’s hands  
i’ve cheated death so many times  
while jesus only died once  
does that not count for something?  
does that not at least make us kin?

i cannot serve two masters  
because i am not a slave  
or a servant  
speak to me on equal grounds  
respect will no longer be asked for  
but demanded  
unwavering. unapologetic. uncensored  
magic is within me

_“i know it’s there. it’s everywhere.  
all around me. the whole world. power. and beauty.”_

rebirth  
reawakening  
the strength of uncertainty  
and the pursuit of the unknown  
julia invokes what i could never put into words before 

I will never be powerless again  
I will never not be Holy


End file.
